If we want to cultivate emotional agility, we need to stop treating our emotions like the enemy.
We tend to put emotions in two camps, positive and negative.
Science tells us that positive emotions enhance our cognitive abilities and help us think beyond the immediate situation, while negative emotions impair our cognitive abilities and relate to survival. As a result, we tend to greet the positive ones with open arms and try and suppress the negative ones, given the opportunity, we will store them in a container with the lid tightly shut.
Our emotions help to guide the decisions that we make every minute of our lives. Our emotions inform us, a data source, they are our guide to where we are in the moment, the situation we are in and the details we pay attention to. They are not the enemy, they help us to survive, to grow, to develop our understanding, and to nurture ourselves and our relationship with the world around us.
Different emotions motivate us to act in different ways.
Acceptance and accurately labelling our emotions is key. We don’t have to act on them, information is not direction, it is merely informing us. Also recognise that it is how you are feeling ‘I am noticing that I am feeling ….’, rather than a representation of who we are, you are not the emotion. By actively exploring and tuning in to our emotions, we can cultivate positive experiences, accept what’s here for us and when needed, take wise action.
What is wise action? I hear you ask. Only you know that; I’m guessing it’s the action that leads to an experience that better serves you.
What I can tell you, is that we need to start listening to our emotions and we will benefit from moving away from the rigid, positive or negative mindset, to one of emotional agility. I’m not saying that it is easy or even comfortable. In the words of Susan David “discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life” (her TED talk is a must, link below under resources)
Tuning in to emotions is a skill you can learn, it just takes practice. Meditation is the deeper dive, the way you will learn more and faster. However, there are many other ways you can do this, you just need to stop for a moment. A great daily practice for a busy day on the move is the STOP practice, ‘Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed with wise action’. You can literally do this in 1 minute.
Small steps, big changes; an exercise you might like to try.
Daily practice: once a day, stop and connect with your emotions (seek to understand not judge).
Top 3 benefits: self-awareness, connection and how to respond with kindness
Top Tip: don’t overthink it or go too deep. The intention is to practice tuning into your emotions, to inform you and when necessary, to take wise action during your day.
To learn more; I have shared some links on resources that I think may be useful to you below.
Useful links
The S.T.O.P. Practice: Creating Space Around Automatic Reactions – MindfulEmotional Intelligence (With EAP 15th February -click to register)
Susan David: The gift and power of emotional courage | TED Talk
What Does It Mean to Sit With Your Feelings? | Psychology Today
These insights are shared in the spirit of creating awareness of ways we can unlock our human potential and grow a sustainable sense of positive wellbeing. If it brings up emotions that are unsettling, talk to someone close to you or a professional.
